


I'll fall asleep with you in my heart

by LadyAuroraKnight



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: F/M, Post-Season/Series 04
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-24
Updated: 2019-07-10
Packaged: 2020-03-14 15:21:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18950791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyAuroraKnight/pseuds/LadyAuroraKnight
Summary: Chloe and Lucifer's paths through the stages of grief after the events of the S4 finale. Is there a happy ending to be had, or is it time for them to accept the inevitable?





	1. I miss you

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my first foray into the world of Lucifer fanfiction. Been a fan for a while now, written a few works but finally getting around to publishing them. Hope you enjoy.
> 
> There's spoilers here for Season 4. You have been warned.

The days go slowly, and Chloe moves through them with a numbness that festers in her soul. At night it hits her. She tries to sleep but she's haunted by the never-ending dreams. He’s always there, sometimes in his alabaster angel skin, his perfectly puckered pocket square and Armani suit. Sometimes he’s the red devil with the majestic dragon wings that commanded the demons away. Every time she runs to him, and every time, he pulls away. She cries until morning.

Her eyes are permanently sunken now from sleepiness and sorrow, but she doesn’t bother with sunglasses, she doesn’t have enough energy to care. She yawns frequently, forcing herself awake while going through the motions of a job that doesn’t excite her anymore. It reminds her of Lucifer, of what she lost, and while that’s one of the things that keeps here there, she also stays because it gives her something to do.

A week after Lucifer leaves, she receives a call from his lawyer. He’s left everything to her. She cries again, but she agrees to keep the club open and oversee its running. It’s another way to be close to him after all, and she wants things to be the same when he comes back.

For two months she stays this way, burning herself into nothing, detective by daylight and club owner by night. She’s still convinced that Lucifer will find a way to come home. By the third month it starts to sink in that he’s gone for good.

With an innocent wisdom born from being the child of two detectives, Trixie watches her mother helplessly passing the days by, knowing she’s dying inside. She hears Chloe calling out Lucifer’s name every night since that night, and Trixie prays to Lucifer every chance she gets, begging him to come back. He never does.

Trixie yells at him one night, so loudly that Chloe comes in, and she has to pretend she’s not shouting at the top of her lungs at the devil. Chloe sees through it, and once she gets past the fact that her daughter knows the truth, they cry together. Time moves on.

* * *

Chloe reaches the next stage of grief after five months. She’s sitting quietly, repeatedly trying to read a case file that won’t stick in her head. Ella approaches her desk like a frightened deer, extending yet another invitation to tribe night. Chloe tries to be kind, making excuses about Lux. Ella perches on the desk, leaning in.

“Chloe, it’s been months. You could use a night to blow off some steam. Can’t you get Patrick to run the place for the night?”

But Chloe stares, focused on the exact place Ella is perched – the place _he_ always perched. She stands up abruptly, her chair scraping the floor as she scrambles to fight back the emotion in danger of leaking out. Ella is sweet, but Chloe knows it’s not what she needs right now. What she needs even less is Dan making a beeline for her desk, having heard the conversation.

“You know what, Chloe? You’ve been moping about since Lucifer left. We’ve all seen you, and I’m sick of dancing around it. It's time for you to move on. All he’s done is hurt you. Every time you guys get close, he runs off. Let him rot, wherever he is, and good riddance. The precinct is a better place without him.”

Ella tries to defend her, to provide a buffer, and Chloe appreciates it, but all she feels is anger. Dan’s finally pushed the wrong button.

“I know where he’s gone and why, Dan!” she exclaims. “And I’m not moping, I’m grieving. Lucifer didn’t just run off, he’s…he had to go.”

She pauses. “I’ll never see him again and I have to live with that.”

“You can’t tell me you’re not the least bit relieved to be rid of his devil craziness!”

Between the lack of sleep, the grief, and the anger at Dan’s unfounded comments, something in Chloe snaps.

“ _It wasn’t craziness_!”

Her voice is hard with resolve, anger, and maybe even recklessness.

“He wasn’t lying,” she continues, her words getting softer.

“He’s gone back, he-“

“He went home?” Dan asks, curious. He’s never heard Lucifer mention home.

“It’s not home…” she protests.

And then Ella rubs Chloe’s back carefully in a soft circular motion, causing a quieting calmness inside of her. She feels a sob forcing its way out as Ella bundles her to the conference room, locking Dan out.

“I’m going to call Linda,” Ella says. “I think you guys need a heart to heart.”

“I’m fine,” Chloe repeats, but she knows that’s a lie.

“Chloe, you’re anything but fine. You’re hollow. You’re starting to spout the same things Lucifer did, and girl, a psych eval isn’t something you want coming your way right now.”

Chloe forces back a chuckle at the irony, before wiping her eyes and heading toward her desk again, leaving Ella to watch with sympathy.

That evening she tries to get her mind off things by reading. She borrows Trixie’s Twilight books and finds herself engrossed. With the first book barely taking up the evening she starts the second, gets partway in and-

“You bastard!” she cries.

The book leaves her hands before she registers it, and Chloe watches as some paint chips off the wall with the collision.

“Why did you leave her? You didn't need to protect her!”

She falls to her knees, weeping. “Why did you leave…?”

That night, the dreams are worse.

* * *

Maze returns abruptly from her sabbatical on the sixth month. She doesn’t tell Chloe what she did during that time, but they reconcile and finally talk.

The topic of Eve comes up, and Chloe is concerned they haven’t heard from her since Lucifer left. Maze isn’t worried, something about Eve wanting to find herself, but Chloe sees through Maze’s disinterest. She knows how much Eve’s disappearance really hurt the demon, though it was nothing compared to how deep of a cut Lucifer’s departure had made. She shares an understanding and grief with Maze – Chloe for the man who left her, and Maze for the home she’d never see again. Maze reminisces about Hell and Chloe listens intently, determined to become familiar with the kind of place Lucifer exiled himself to. Even when it becomes too much, she listens, because it makes her feel closer to Lucifer.

Chloe continues running Lux, while Maze spends her days making up for her absence by tending to baby Charlie. More requests come in for the lady who sang ‘Wonderwall’ and Chloe calls Maze, who agrees to sing again, just this once. Surprisingly, the demon finds it so cathartic she agrees to do it regularly.

“You don’t have to do this, you know,” Maze says, “running Lux.”

“I want to,” Chloe protests, but she knows its because she’s clinging to old memories.

Maze sighs. “Well then, I won’t let you do it alone.”

They divide out responsibilities between them, and Chloe's evenings become much less busy. It finally hits her just how much she'd taken on, and how exhausted she is, but she's scared of what more free time will mean for her. Although having more expendable income is certainly a perk, Chloe had never agreed to run Lux because of the money. She had done it to use up her every moment, to keep her mind occupied, and now she actually has to face her grief.

After a couple of weeks, Maze approaches her with the suggestion of closing or selling Lux. Chloe appreciates how new it is for Maze to admit she's concerned, but the thought of closing Lux leaves Chloe cold. She's under no illusions - Chloe knows that keeping Lux open has only delayed the sense of finality that would inevitably come, yet running it has become something of a comfort to her. Maze agrees to respect Chloe's wishes and they continue in their routine, with Maze stepping in when Chloe has other obligations, and Chloe stepping in when Maze has a bounty to hunt. All is relatively well, for a while.

* * *

On the seven month mark, Chloe regresses, feeling herself becoming colder and more withdrawn. Ella stops asking her to tribe night, and Dan interacts with her only when required. When Trixie is with Dan, Chloe spends her nights at Lux in the penthouse. Sometimes she ventures downstairs, dressed to the nines, forcing herself to forget, to have fun. It never works. Linda invites her to see Charlie, and she almost goes once, getting as far as parking outside their house, but she loses her nerve. Seeing Linda and Amenadiel with the life she wants is too hard.

That night, she drinks until she passes out on Lucifer’s bed. She dreams of a place with tall stone walls and ethereal blue light, a cold place with many doors. She sees him on a throne so high it would put Everest to shame, and his eye catches hers with alarm. He doesn’t pull away; he heads toward her with those beautiful majestic wings.

She wakes up crying, her pillow soaked through with tears. There’s a moment of concern for the expensive cloth but it’s forgotten as soon as it comes, because there is a revelation. It was not a dream.

* * *

By the eighth month, Chloe has tried everything to reach the same place as in her dream. She's attempted lucid dreaming, hypnosis, meditation, and drinking herself into oblivion, but they've all failed. She gets bolder.

When Chloe doesn’t turn up to work one day, Ella goes to check on her. She finds Chloe face down on the silken sheets amongst a deluge of sleeping pills. Barely holding it together, she dials for an ambulance.

Chloe sees his face again, she’s in his arms.

“Chloe, stop this,” he pleads, heartbroken.

His face turns into the paramedic’s as they pump her stomach. She falls unconscious again.

The psychologist signs her off for two weeks. She’s chastised for not taking the time earlier to grieve. Dan finally shows sympathy and volunteers to take Trixie. Chloe is quietly grateful. She hadn’t been trying to die, but she’d overestimated the dose for a heavy sleep. Chloe knows that if she dies and goes to Hell – she certainly feels guilty enough – she might see him. But she loves Trixie, so death is not an option. She brainstorms.

The path she’s been walking has only given her glimpses of him, stolen moments, and apologies. He misses her too but he still won’t come home. If she could only go to him, she was sure she could persuade him to return. Chloe knows it won’t be easy, but it gives her resolve.

She returns to work much like herself again, diving headfirst into cases, and even agreeing to a few tribe nights. Chloe holds it together and visits Amenadiel and Linda, and she tears up when she holds Charlie. In her spare time she lives a double life. She travels to the biggest Satanist library in LA and pours over the rituals: how to summon the devil, how to get a message to him, how to get into Hell. She reads endlessly, trying to find something consistent, something that sticks. When the Satanic texts fail her, she pours over biblical scriptures. What she finds isn't much help. Out of desperation, she asks Amenadiel to take her to Hell.

“You have to stop, Chloe,” he says. “This is killing you.”

“Then go down there, Amenadiel. Go down there and bring him back!”

Amenadiel sighs with sadness, but he reluctantly agrees to speak to Lucifer. When he returns, she’s waiting for him, but is met with disappointment.

“Nothing’s changed, Chloe. He says he still can’t come back.”

But she doesn’t cry, not this time. She plans.

* * *

In the ninth month Chloe summons a demon. He stands inside the devil’s trap she painted on the floor of the penthouse, his judgmental eyes looking at her expectantly. She doesn’t give him a chance to talk.

“You tell Lucifer I’m pissed off,” she says. “You tell him I’m coming down there, and I’m going to drag his self-righteous, snarky, charred ass back to Earth!”

The demon blinks with shock that someone would be so blasphemous toward Hell’s ruler, and then it hits him.

“You must be Chloe Decker.”

And just like that she has more evidence that Lucifer hasn’t forgotten; the demons know he left her behind. She still isn’t sure if that’s good news or not.

The demon smirks. “I’ll deliver your message,” he says, and disappears.

She starts to think that if she can summon a demon, maybe she can summon Lucifer too. Chloe shows up at a Satanists’ church, hoping to glean some information about how one goes about summoning the devil. It doesn’t go as expected - they all know her name already and welcome her inside. Apparently they believe Lucifer about being the devil, and think she’s a queen of some prophecy, but she’s had about enough of those. Chloe thinks about how angry it would make Lucifer to know she’s here, but she doesn’t care. She hopes it makes him angry enough to come back.

After talking with them over coffee and cake, it quickly becomes obvious there is no way to summon Lucifer, so Chloe takes her leave. They ask her back for a pot roast, but she declines. The hero worship is a little much, and she starts to understand why Lucifer avoids them like the plague.

* * *

Ten months in, Chloe finds out that she can see angels, even when they don’t want to be seen.

“Who are you talking to?” she asks when she enters the lab, her gaze locking immediately on the short dark-haired woman in the corner.

Ella stutters and denies talking to anyone, but the person next to her seems resigned.

“You can see her?” Ella suddenly realizes. “Can you see ghosts too?”

It dawns on Chloe this is the ghost Ella was talking about, and also that this woman is no ghost. Maybe she’s been around too many celestials not to know, and the woman senses it too.

“I’m Azreal,” she says. “Nice to finally meet you, Chloe.”

“Wait, what? I thought you were Rae Rae,” Ella asks.

“My brother used to call me that,” Azreal reminisces. “But my name is Azrael, Ella, and I’m not a ghost, I’m an angel. The angel of death, to be precise. I’m sorry I lied to you. I promise you there were very good reasons.”

Ella is stuck between frustration and amazement, and for the first time she seems unable to voice exactly what she wants to say. Azreal looks apologetically at Chloe, but Chloe doesn’t want her apology, she wants her help.

“Take me to him,” Chloe demands.

“Wait, what?” Ella stutters, wondering how the conversation got away from her so spectacularly. “Take you to who?”

“To Lucifer,” Azreal says quietly, regretfully. “And I can’t.”

“Why not?” Chloe demands, her voice wavering.

“Because I _can’t_ ,” Azreal admits, tears in her eyes. “I’m not allowed to deliver a living soul to Hell. You have no idea how much he wants to see you, Chloe, but he…”

Azrael looks away with guilt.

“Whoa, wait a sec. Lucifer is your brother?” Ella asks, finally having caught up. “And you’re an angel. Which means...oh no.”

Chloe feels the bear hug the moment it lands.

“This changes everything,” Ella says.

Chloe is touched that even when working through a mind-altering revelation, Ella is thinking of her.

She excuses herself and leaves them alone to talk, but Ella makes her promise to clear her schedule that evening so they can discuss this thing properly, and Chloe doesn't deny her that. She knows how it feels to have one's world flipped on its ear. Despite her apprehension, Chloe finds their chat comforting. Ella is remarkably open minded, so much so that she feels ashamed of her own reaction to Lucifer’s truth. It’s a relief to listen as Ella prattles on about how she knew the devil wasn’t a bad guy, and it how makes so much sense now why Chloe was upset. But with that knowledge comes doubt, and Chloe catches the moment when Ella runs her fingers nervously along the cross on her necklace. Having just come out the other end of a crisis of faith, Chloe wonders how Ella’s resolve will hold. Chloe knows she herself certainly has no warm and loving thoughts of God, since it is his punishment keeping Lucifer away from her.

“So he’s down there protecting us…” Ella trails off, looking out into the night from her position on the balcony.

Chloe moves to stand beside her.

“Yeah,” she says with resignation. “And we’re up here, picking up the pieces.

* * *

By the eleventh month Chloe has accepted the hole inside of her as a new normal. Talking with Ella helps, and she starts visiting Linda and Amenadiel more, along with going to tribe nights. She starts to find the routine of work comforting again.

Chloe learns the piano to accompany Maze’s singing at Lux. She knows she’ll never be as good as Lucifer, but she puts her emotion into the music as much as he did, and it feels good to release her pain into an outlet.

The nights are still hard. Even though he’s in her dreams, he seems so distant, her fears realized. She wonders how much time has passed in Hell, and hopes he hasn’t forgotten about her. The thought leaves her cold.

More time passes, and nothing changes.

* * *

On the one-year anniversary of his departure, Chloe feels she needs to do something. She digs out the research she’s done on rituals and rifles through it hurriedly until she finds the one that can send something down to Hell. Moving with purpose, she puts together a care package with a packet of Lucifer’s favourite snacks, a bottle of his best whisky, a pack of his brand of cigarettes, and one of his favourite Prada suits. She puts it in a box and wraps it in paper brandished with cutesy devil faces – one she ordered online – and addresses the tag with his name.

She leans back to admire her work. Doing something for him makes the hole grow a little smaller, and Chloe wonders why she didn't try it sooner. She sets up and finishes the ritual flawlessly, but the result is disappointing. The tears hitting the floor are the first sign that she’s falling apart, and Chloe makes her way to Lucifer’s whisky cabinet, hoping to drown her sorrows in it. Before she can pour a glass, she breaks into heaving sobs, her first real breakdown in months.

“I just miss you,” she says.

When she looks up, the gift is gone, a note in its place.

“I miss you too,” it says in his flawless handwriting.

She handles it less well than she expects.

When Maze arrives, she’s sitting on the penthouse balcony in one of his shirts, having polished off half of one of Lucifer’s decanters of whisky. Her eyes closed, she sits there praying, hoping he'll come back.

“Praying again, Decker?” Maze asks. “You know he won’t answer.”

Chloe jumps. “Maze,” she begins, “this really isn’t a good…”

She pauses at the sight of Maze’s appearance. Her clothes are torn and dirty, and blood is smudged and smeared across her face and body, which sports several half-healed gashes and a black eye.

“What happened?” she asks, horrified.

It’s then she notices Maze’s hand. It's balled up into a tight fist, and it's jittering.

“You want him back, Chloe?”

“Of course I do. But Maze, I’ve tried, and there’s no way I can get to him. Don’t give me false hope, I've had enough of that for a lifetime.”

“What would you do to see him again?"

“Whatever it takes.”

It slips through her lips faster than she can think.

“He was here, Maze,” she begins. “I made him a gift, tried to send it to Hell. It didn’t work, but he came for it. He left me a note.”

She pulls the paper out of her pocket, smoothing it carefully, as though it were made of precious cloth.

This was around the time where Maze would normally make a comment about rituals being bullshit, but the fact Lucifer actually came to Earth only moments ago is throwing her off.

“He was here?” she asks with disbelief.

“Only for a second, and I didn’t see him,” Chloe explains.

Maze regains her composure. “Look, that doesn’t matter. Did you mean it? Would you really do anything to get him back?”

“I wouldn’t say what I didn’t mean.”

Chloe's body tenses as the frustration passes through it.

“Good. Then I have my answer.”

The sudden sound of a coin being flicked through the air makes Chloe jump and scramble to catch it. The cold metal bounces against her hands and she closes them quickly, before slowly prying them apart to examine it. On the coin, a goat’s head sits inside a star, surrounded by alternate names for Lucifer. The words "Morning star" are engraved, along with “In God we are damned.” She turns it over carefully to see the depiction of the crucifix and the holy trinity.

“Maze, what is this?”

“It’s what I’ve been searching for since Lucifer left.”

Chloe shifts uncomfortably. Maze is being intentionally cryptic, but Chloe just wants answers. She doesn’t have to wait long.

“Decker, this is our ticket to Hell.”


	2. Hell is no paradise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hell is a mess, and Lucifer spirals ever downward...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this probably isn't the next chapter you were expecting, but I really wanted to delve into Lucifer's perspective before Chloe and Maze beat down the doors to Hell.

**Chapter 2 – Hell is no paradise**

When Lucifer arrives in Hell, much has changed. The demons have formed factions and are fighting each other for territory. The angels that fell with him are doing their best to stop the gates from being breached. Souls have escaped their rooms and are milling about, some frightened, some ecstatic to be free of their mental prison. In short, a bloody _nightmare_. Dromos definitely wasn’t lying about the current status of Hell.

Lucifer’s soul is melancholic and full of desperate longing for the love he left behind, but he knows there is work to be done, so he suppresses his feelings and desires and once more becomes the King of Hell. He lands on the throne and sits, an unmistakable announcement that the king is back. Once he’s sure he’s been seen from all angles, he starts to address the mess. Belial and Azazel are relieved to see him, and surprisingly even Asmodeus, though he doesn’t trust the latter as far as he can throw him. They’ve all got pressing issues to discuss, but a war is brewing and Lucifer needs to cut its lifeblood at the source.

Dromos seems to be at the heart of it, and doesn’t that boil his blood, because Dromos would never have rebelled without the message from Father Kinley, Kinley wouldn’t have gone to hell without Eve’s selfishness and he’d have never been emboldened to get near Lucifer without Chloe’s help.

 _Chloe._ He hates to blame her, he really does, but he can’t help that dagger of betrayal that still pangs in his gut. He forgave her almost immediately, but he hasn’t forgotten. Worse, straight at the heart of everything is the fact that the entire chain of events started because Chloe saw his devil face, so he can’t even regret it because she knows and _accepts_ him now.

With no outlet for his frustration, Lucifer turns it outward to Dromos. He disembowels the demon slowly and painfully, making him watch as each inch of himself is torn apart, then stops, feigning mercy, before continuing the punishment. Once Dromas has gone quiet, Lucifer cuts off his head for good measure, and impales it on a sharp pole next to his throne. It’s a warning.

He hunts for Squee next.

Lucifer is about to do the same to the traitorous brazen demon that no one likes, but he feels the bloodthirst rising like a hungry wave. A wary glance at his back does nothing to quell his worries; his wings are not out, but he will never forget how his gut knotted in disgust and horror when he first glimpsed the gruesome bat-like wings. He shakes off the anxiety. In Hell, he can’t afford to look weak. He also can’t afford to fully suppress the bloodlust, but he quells it at least, and takes a different approach. Instead of punishing the Squee outright, Lucifer lets his work with Dromos do the talking and tosses the impetuous demon in front of the impaled head. Squee quickly changes sides, which is exactly what Lucifer expects. He shrewdly uses Squee to flush out the real mastermind, Abaddon, and she kills Squee for his betrayal.

Abaddon is one of the Fallen, so Lucifer doesn’t kill her. She fought with him in the original war, after all. Instead, he burns out her eyes into blackened holes and locks her in the deepest pits of hell, where only he can visit her, and no one will hear her screams.

Belial and Azazel are sent to round up the rest of the demons involved in the uprising at the Mayan. They’re thrown in front of Lucifer one by one and each meets as gruesome a punishment as Dromos, in front of a terrified audience. When he’s finished, Lucifer’s skin is so soaked with blood that his angel skin is the same colour as his devil skin.

“Let this be a warning,” he roars. “I will not tolerate disobedience.”

The congregation cowers and starts to dissipate, eager to forget the whole possessing humans debacle and get back to how Hell used to be.

The war dismantled before it gets out of hand, all starts to go back to normal, or at least normal for Hell. The demons fall back in line, the hellhounds return to guard the gates, and the Lilim go back to their daily duties. Lilith rounds up the souls back to their rooms, and the Fallen return to their positions around Hell, several of them on the citadel. Lucifer breathes a sigh of relief, and wonders if it was worth it. The war kept him busy, but now he has plenty of time to think, and to mourn for what he left behind.

The few months that follow are agonizing. Days and nights roll into one in Hell; its blue hues never change, except for the odd fire here and there. Lucifer is reminded of the mundanity of it all, of the reasons he left in the first place. Now that he’s had a taste of how life could be, it makes his exile far more painful.

He tries to keep his angel form as much as possible, wanting to hang on to the humanity he’d picked up in his time on Earth. It soon falls to pieces; without fear, the demons will not abide his rules. Just a year in, he culls another rebellion, shifting into full devil form and using his deep dual tones to incite terror. The demons who don’t back down get the honor of being ripped apart piece by piece. As he stands amidst yet another mess of bodies, he feels less and less angelic, and silently prays his white wings don’t disappear for good.

Lucifer retreats to his chambers that night, retaking his alabaster form, and falling onto his rough, stony bed with mental exhaustion. He lies there for so long he loses track of time, and he thinks about Chloe. By now his lawyers will have transferred all his worldly wealth and possessions to her. He wonders whether she accepted, stubborn as she is.

There is a tugging feeling in the back of his mind, a soft set of whispers, as there has been since humanity was created, and Lucifer recognizes it as prayer. Yet something is different this time. Many millennia ago, it had become such an annoyance that he had drowned it out, but now he wonders whether it will allow him a connection with the place and people he misses dearly. Letting the barrier down is overwhelming at first; it is nothing but voices shouting at length all at once. He initially struggles to filter them out, but then he does, and he hears something familiar. A child.

“Lucifer, why did you leave mommy alone? She’s so sad, she misses you. She’s calling out your name all the time. We miss you, Lucifer, I miss you. Please come back. _Please_.”

So Trixie knows. He smiles sadly at that. He’s suspected it all along. The urchin always took him at face value, after all.

But then Chloe’s wavering voice comes through.

“Lucifer…”

There’s a pause. “I don’t know if you’re even listening, if this will even reach you but please come back. I understand why you left but there has to be a way – we can figure it out together. I don’t believe you’re gone forever, you can’t be. Come home.”

 _Home_. The word is accompanied by a pang of longing. Earth is the first home he’s had in a long time. But Chloe’s message is bittersweet. She’s in denial. Lucifer can’t return, and the rebellion today only confirms that to him.

“I’m sorry, Chloe,” he thinks.

Lucifer wonders whether it will reach her. He’s never tried to respond to prayer before; he’s never cared to.

As an angel he has the capacity to mute some prayers over others, a power he hasn’t used in a while. Lucifer decides to allow prayers from Chloe and Trixie, and the others he cares about. It gives him comfort to hear their voices and know they are safe, at least until a couple of Hell years later when a very irate Trixie sends a prayer to him.

“I’m so mad at you!” she shouts in his head.

He nearly falls off his throne in shock.

“I’ve been praying to you forever and you don’t even talk back - that’s so rude! And you’re hurting mommy! Do you even care about us? You better come back or I’ll…I’ll go and trash your awesome princess bedroom! And…I’ll never forgive you!”

It’s only a child’s words, a child’s innocent anger, but to Lucifer it cuts sharply.

He pulls out his wings and sneaks to Earth, landing incognito in Chloe’s living room, intending to talk to the urchin. But when Chloe runs into Trixie’s bedroom, he loses his nerve. He hears their conversation.

“Trixie, who are you shouting at?”

“No one.”

He can practically _hear_ Chloe’s ‘mom’ frown.

“I’m talking to Lucifer, mommy, I’m mad.”

“Lucifer can’t hear you monkey, he’s gone.”

“Yes he can, he’s the devil, and that means he’s an angel too so he listens to prayers. I’m telling him off.”

Lucifer hears as Chloe’s breath catches, and her sadness washes over him like water. The knot in his gut is back threefold, and Lucifer realizes how short-sighted of an idea this visit was. Seeing Chloe now would just cause them both more pain, and she deserves better. He lifts his wings and in a second he’s gone, back to the abyss of Hell.

* * *

Lucifer knows he should really shut the prayers off but he doesn’t have the will inside of him. Hearing Chloe’s voice is his constant; it gets him through the weeks and months. She doesn’t always pray, but she projects her thoughts often. Perhaps it’s the connection they have, but sometimes he hears random snippets of thoughts and conversations, times when she wishes he was there.

One day Lucifer hears her telling Dan off, hears her _snap_ and tell him “It wasn’t craziness!”, and Lucifer feels guilt. He doesn’t want her committed, after all, not on his behalf, not for his ‘Devil talk’. He hears her thoughts that night when she’s reading Twilight, and cringes at the thought of being compared to the infamous Edward Cullen.

Justifying that the Twilight series might be useful for torture, and absolutely _not_ curious, thank-you-very-much, Lucifer rearranges the atoms in the air to make copies of the first two books in the Twilight series. He reads them within a matter of hours. The second book leaves his hand the same way it left Chloe’s, but instead of hitting a wall, it falls into a pit of molten tar with an angry ‘glop’.

“I’m nothing like that idiot!” he exclaims.

But then, he thinks, he did leave Chloe to protect her, and damn if that doesn’t hit him hard. He’s been so certain this is the only way that he’s never really stopped to consider that maybe it isn’t.  
  
“Bloody hell, maybe I am,” he mutters, his mood quickly turning foul. 

“Maybe you are what?” Peth suddenly asks

Peth is one of the demons in his court. Harmless, as far as demons go, but her talents are scouting, spying. Lucifer wonders how long she’s been there. 

“Nothing,” he says under his breath, and tosses the other book to her. 

“What’s this?” Peth asks, catching the Twilight book and examining it curiously.

“Something new to use for torture,” he says noncommittally. “Give it to Lilith.”

Lucifer turns to leave and Peth opens the book curiously, sitting back on the stone parapets to read it.

* * *

A week later, he gets word of a disturbance in the outskirts of the city. One of the fallen comes bursting into the throne room, shouting about a fight. Lucifer investigates and finds Baal and Dagon fighting with Azazel and Belial. The fight has destroyed at least ten buildings, and several others are on fire. One of the Fallen has moved from the citadel to try and stop the fight, but has been unsuccessful.  

Lucifer sighs, and closes his eyes, reaching deep for power he hasn’t used in a long time. Feeling the spark, seeing the atoms in the air, he converts them into enough energy to make a small supernova, one that will separate the demons, and hopefully not destroy the other hundred buildings in the vicinity. He’s only partially successful on the destruction front, but the supernova does the job. The demons are separated and knocked to the ground, a little more charred than he intended.

He knows that Baal and Dagon are the culprits. Peth has informed him of their traitorous whispers in the previous months, but as long as they weren’t acting on them, he let them slide. Now, it seems, he would have to address the problem. 

Lucifer nods to Azazel and Belial, dismissing them to tend to their wounds, and he turns on Baal and Dagon. Baal is terrified, but Dagon looks at him with disgust. He barely registers it when she lunges at him with her daggers. Lucifer catches her arm just as the dagger slices his cheek, leaving a slightly dripping gash under his right eye. It’s a stupid, desperate move, one that Dagon will come to regret, because the only thing worse than a Devil without hope is an _angry_ Devil without hope. Using the leftover energy from the supernova, Lucifer incinerates Dagon instantly, then rounds on Baal, grabbing him by the neck, and slamming him up against the remains of a stone building.

“Speak,” he commands.

He’s so infuriated he can feel the flames licking his skin, on the verge of burning it away into his other form, but he doesn’t care.

“But Mazikeen,” Baal chokes out. “You let her do…you let her say…”

His laugh is bitter but the demon mistakes it as sadistic. Lucifer doesn’t correct him. He lets Baal drop to the ground with a thump.

“If she doesn’t have to follow your orders, why should _we_?” Baal growls, having mustered up some courage.

“ _Mazikeen_ is reaping what she has sown.” Lucifer says quietly, with a fake coldness that he knows will mislead the demon. “Or have you not noticed her absence?”

He still despises lying, but it’s technically not a lie, and it serves his purpose.

The demon’s eyes widen. “ _Please_ ,” it begs. “ _Mercy_ , my lord.”

But Lucifer doesn’t do mercy, and Chloe isn’t here to stop him, so tosses Baal into the lava pits, where he drowns and burns to death all at once. 

“So why did you _really_ leave your best torturer topside?” Lilith asks in a blasé tone, glancing at her nails.

She’s standing beside a piece of the wreckage, a pillar that’s been shattered into pieces.

Lucifer sees through her feigned disinterest. She’s shrewd and conniving, and information like this is valuable. Lilith is the best general in Hell, but she’s also the most self-serving. She would slice his throat and take his place in a heartbeat if she was able to ascend to the throne. Her status as the true first woman means that she is not afraid of him in any capacity. Still he reminds her of her place.

“Tread carefully, Lilith,” he says. “You’re my general, not my advisor. There’s no need for you to know my mind.”

The ease at which he falls back into his old demeanor bothers him.

“Very well,” Lilith says smoothly. “And as a mother, do I not deserve an answer?”

“A mother?” Lucifer laughs harshly. “Is _that_ what you are?”

“If you really cared you wouldn’t have waited until now to ask,” he snaps.

“Be careful, Lucifer. One might think you’ve gone _soft_ on Mazikeen, and that wouldn’t look good at all, would it?”

Lilith is baiting him, pushing for a reaction, anything to confirm that Mazikeen has been given his favour, but Lucifer doesn’t rise to the bait.

“Are you finished with your questioning?” he asks sarcastically.

She sighs disappointedly, but leaves. 

Before, Lucifer used to enjoy her company, in more ways than one. Now, he wonders why he ever liked her to begin with. But Lilith’s comments bring his attention to the situation he has willfully ignored for too long: Mazikeen. The demons are starting to become suspicious. 

Lucifer never spoke to Mazikeen before he left. He tells himself he was in a hurry to get back, that she would have chosen to stay on Earth anyway, to protect everyone, so it’s inconsequential. But he wasn’t really in a hurry. Lucifer knows how persuasive Maze is, and he’s certain she would have talked him out of going back. His disappearing act means she’s going to be enraged if he ever sees her again. One time, something so trivial as a pissed off demon wouldn’t have concerned him, but now he likes to think they are – or at least _were_ \- friends, and he doesn’t want to lose her. The problem is, he also doesn’t want the demons to get wind of the fact that Maze is no longer under his subjugation.

Leaving the Fallen to clear the area and rebuild, Lucifer takes to the sky to think.

* * *

During the sixth Hell year, Lucifer starts to notice the demon field agents - the ones who watch things on Earth – are being whittled away. He sends a message for Crowley to investigate, and the smarmy coward comes back muttering in fear about Mazikeen.

 “She’s murdering us all, your excellency,” he says.

 Lucifer rolls his eyes at the ass-kissing but motions for the demon to continue.

 "Yes, I’ve gathered that, but do you know _why_?”

Crowley looks up, his blood stained face contorted with disbelief.

“Why?! Who knows? It’s _Mazikeen_ , she kills her own for fun!”

“Mazikeen has been aware of you all on Earth for years, so why is she coming for you _now_?” Lucifer asks, his eyes glowing a petrifying shade of crimson as he towers over the sniveling demon.

Crowley shudders.

“Wait!” he cries. “She was muttering something. Something about a coin.”

“NO!” Lucifer roars.

Crowley nearly dies in fear.

Lucifer dismisses the demon back to Earth, left only with his own thoughts. He pushes back the tug of sadness, of hope and want. He knows what Mazikeen is doing, and he knows why.

 _Maze_ , he thinks to himself, _don’t do this._

But he knows she will. She’s stubborn, Lilith made her that way. So he sends demon after demon to Earth to stop her. He knows none will. Eventually he realizes he has to stop putting bodies in her path.

 _Stop, Mazikeen_ , he thinks, sending the command all the way to Earth. He knows she’s no longer bound to it, but it should still connect. It’s the umpteenth time he’s tried to send the message, still he tries again. Surprisingly, he feels it reach the source.

_Fine, Lucifer. I’ll stop...for now._

He gets his confirmation in Chloe’s next prayer. He lives for those now, they are his out after a long day, his reassurance that life is moving on upstairs. Chloe tells him that Mazikeen is back, and she’s helping with Lux. He’s thankful for that, Chloe’s been running herself into the ground. But he knows Mazikeen’s break from searching is calculated, temporary, and he’s only biding his time. Mazikeen doesn’t give up so easily. Lucifer hopes dearly that she hasn’t found the demon with the coins. 

* * *

It’s nearing the end of his ninth year in Hell when a horrific and wonderful thing happens: Chloe’s soul appears in Hell. His reaction is immediate – white wings spread, he jumps from his perch on the throne and flies toward it. 

His heart is hurting more than it ever has. The thought of Chloe dying causes him physical pain. When he reaches the soul, Lucifer sees her face and realizes she is only flirting with death. A glimpse of her tear-stained face is all he gets before she’s pulled back to the realm of Earth, and he’s left hovering in the sky, alone.

That night, he materializes a whole cabinet of liquor and drinks it, despite its absolutely foul taste, and passes out on his bed. And while part of him prays Chloe won’t try the same thing again, a part of him hopes she does.

* * *

Over the course of the next year Lucifer sees Chloe many times, each time more painful. He holds her ethereal form in his arms, as she tells him what she’s tried this time. The tears fall as he pleads for her to stop. They get only moments before she disappears, and he’s left alone again.

One time, it’s different. She’s nearly solid, and she’s in Hell for longer than usual. She looks pale, her demeanor groggy.

“Lucifer,” she says, a sliver of panic in her voice. “I think I took too many sleeping pills…”

He knows the signs. She’s dying, and she’s so close he can feel Azrael’s presence hovering around her soul.

“Chloe, stop this,” he pleads.

Her chest suddenly rises as though jolted, she disappears into dust. Azrael materializes next to Lucifer.

“I’m scared, Lu,” she says. “She’s getting close. Do you think she’s trying to die?”

“I don’t know,” he chokes out. “She sounded like maybe…she didn’t mean to die.”

“Lu, _go_. Get one of the Fallen to mind the throne.”

“ _I can’t, Azrael_ , you _know_ they can’t take the throne, they lost their wings long ago.”

Azrael scrunches up her nose in annoyance at her stubborn brother, but knows there’s no getting through to him when he’s like this.

* * *

Amenadiel visits him next. He’s not in the mood.

“It’s Chloe,” Amenadiel says.

“I know,” Lucifer admits, furious. “Because her soul has been here, _multiple_ times. What are you doing up there, Amenadiel, letting her _die_?”

“You of all people should respect free will, brother,” Amenadiel says.

“How _dare_ you!”

It leaves his mouth faster than it registers and he’s going for Amenadiel, his flaming red gaze blazing into Amenadiel’s. Amenadiel catches the attempted punch, flicking it away, but immediately realizes his mistake.

“Lucifer,” he sighs, exasperated. “we _tried_. This week was the first time we’ve seen Chloe since you left.”

“Then you should have checked on her.”

“Look, Chloe is why I’m here. Do you know she’s been at the Satanist library for weeks? And spending time in the oldest church in LA, pouring over biblical texts?”

That little revelation puts a chink in Lucifer’s armour.

“She’s doing _what_ ? You _know_ that library actually has some legitimate texts. Keep her away from it, and those bloody Satanists!”

“She broke down today, Lucifer. She was desperate – said she’d looked in every text she could and didn’t find anything consistent. She begged me to come see you, to change your mind. I said I would try.”

Lucifer laughs with disbelief.

“So the angel who spent most of eternity ferrying me back to Hell is now trying to get me to _leave_ ? That’s some bloody irony, _Dad_!”

“Lucifer, _stop_.” Amenadiel says, placing his hands on his brother’s shoulders. “Just stop and listen. I’d like to think that during our time on Earth we became closer. I no longer agree with Father’s punishment for you, Luci. Surely you can see that. And you are simply torturing yourself _and_ Chloe by staying here.”

“And who would take over, Amenadiel? _You_?”

Lucifer’s disdain is cutting. He laughs darkly. 

“You have a son, go back to Earth.”

“Luci…” Amenadiel begins quietly. “You don’t have to do this.”

But Lucifer is done conversing. His eyes harden, any trace of emotion erased.

“Tell Chloe nothing has changed. I can’t come back,” he says coldly, and begins to walk away.

“I know you still care!” Amenadiel shouts. “Don’t let Hell turn you back into the bastard you were!”

Lucifer turns, and for a moment, Amenadiel swears he sees softness in his brother’s face, mirth even, before it disappears.

“Goodbye, brother,” Lucifer says, and flies away. 

* * *

After eleven long years of being in Hell, Lucifer gets an unexpected message from a low-level demon. It’s one of the humanoid ones who takes messages from Earth - they scare the humans a little less - but he’s missing an eye, and his pointed tail is twitching behind him excitedly. The demon comes running up to the throne with no decorum, completely out of breath, and moves to address Lucifer directly. Lucifer nearly smites him for his insolence, but something tells him not to.

“My king, a human has given me a message for you,” the demon says hurriedly.

Lucifer rolls his eyes. It’s not the first time that this has happened.

“And which of those clowns summoned you this time, Oboros?” he asks with boredom. “Lucien? He tries to summon me at least 5 times a week.”

“No, my lord, it’s not like that. This message is from a Chloe Decker.”

The entire congregation goes silent as Lucifer stands. Usually this action is followed by a brutal smiting, but they are instead surprised to see Lucifer grab the demon and disappear. Lucifer and the demon reappear some distance away, in a private area only he can access. He commands the sounds to stop transmitting, except between himself and the demon.

“Tell me the message,” he demands.

The demon gulps, seemingly reconsidering his actions, but it’s too late to back out now.

“I’ve noted the message,” he says.

Playback starts immediately.

“You tell Lucifer I’m pissed off,” Chloe’s voice says. “You tell him I’m coming down there, and I’m going to drag his self-righteous, snarky, charred ass back to Earth!”

Lucifer fights back a strangled laugh.

“Would you like me to kill her for her blasphemy, my lord?” Oboros asks, eager to get into Lucifer’s good graces.

He realizes he has definitely misjudged his lord’s wishes when Lucifer grabs him by the throat.

“Let me make this very clear. Harm Chloe Decker and I will replace Dromos’ head with _yours_.”

“Y-yes m’lord.”

“Tell no one of this message. I will know if you have.”

“Y-yes, m’lord.”

“Good. I have a job for you. I’m sending you to Earth.”

“Me?” Oboros mutters with shock,”But I’m not a field agent, your lordship.”

Lucifer rolls his eyes.

“I’m aware, but as Chloe is familiar with you, she won’t be alarmed if she sees you.”

The demon shudders a little under Lucifer’s gaze but nods. It knows better than to question an order, and a job like this is not usually given to a demon of Oboros’s status. Lucifer knows this will be enough motivation to keep Oboros loyal to him.

“Watch Chloe Decker, and report back to me. Tell no one of this. If they ask, I have sent you to monitor the traitor Mazikeen. Is that understood?”

A petrified nod is his response, before the demon runs on his way. Lucifer sighs and wonders if he’s made a mistake.

* * *

Lucifer receives many reports during the months that follow, mostly boring stuff, which is good really, it means that Chloe is mostly well - at least as well as she can be, given the circumstances. Today’s report, however, is not especially good.

“What do you _mean_ she’s with the Satanists?”

“M-m’lord,” Oboros stutters. “She went to the church this morning, she’s…having cake and coffee.”

It took all of Lucifer’s restraint _not_ to fly straight to Earth.

“She’s not in danger, your excellency…they want her to come back for a pot-luck.”

“I _know_ she’s not in danger, you idiot. What did they talk about, _why is she there_?”

He glares at the sky indignantly, as though it might reach Chloe.

_What are you doing up there?_

Lucifer lets his gaze fall back on the petrified demon and decides to actually listen to what he has to say.

“You may speak, Oboros.”

“Well, um, my king…”

Lucifer sighs. “Stop the ass-kissing, Oboros, and just get on with it.”

“Well, she’s apparently trying to summon you, my lord. She thinks they can assist her.”

Lucifer bursts out laughing at the absurdity. Oboros is so surprised at seeing the terrifying King of Hell suddenly _laughing_ that he stumbles backward and falls down. Lucifer catches himself and clears his throat, returning to his stern demeanor.

“So she’s been talking to Lucien,” Lucifer muses.

Lucien is the current leader of the Church of Satan in Los Angeles, who is convinced he has the Devil’s favour. Lucifer despises him with a passion. In his quest to summon the Devil himself, Lucien had summoned no less than fifty demons into the Los Angeles area in the last year, requiring Lucifer to send even more field agents to handle clean up. It was a bloody pain in the ass, which was a pretty apt description of Lucien, really. Lucifer really ought to appear to the man and put the fear of the Devil in him, though he suspects even that would backfire.

“There’s more,” Oboros says, interrupting Lucifer’s thoughts, “they, um, they talked about a prophecy.”

“What prophecy? Another one? Bloody hell,” Lucifer sighed.

Oboros’s eyes widen. “It’s new, my king. Something about a Queen of Hell.”

Lucifer is no stranger to prophesies. They come up every few hundred years, after all, and most of them don’t hold a lick of truth. Yet, the one about his first love had eluded him. Granted, he’d been - distracted - but it makes him wary now. He wonders whether this Queen of Hell prophecy is a ploy to lure him away from the throne, to start another uprising, and he’s had enough of those. But it stirs that little sliver of hope in his heart, the one that wonders if there truly is a way to have a future with Chloe.

He instructs Oboros to head back to Earth and gather more information about the prophecy, and then heads up to his throne in the sky.

* * *

About halfway through his twelfth year in Hell, and with no further odd actions on Chloe’s part, Lucifer gets another visit from Azrael.

“I’m sorry!” she blurts.

He’s confused, and then she explains. The fear in her eyes makes him control the anger. He’s been in Hell too long now, and he worries he’s further down the abyss than he realizes.

“So you let her see you,” he says.

“Lu, no. I was talking to Ella, I was only visible to _her_. But then Chloe, she saw me anyway. I’m not sure why. But she knows, Lu. I had to tell her – and Ella – everything.”

There’s a long pause as the unanswered question between them hangs in the air.

“She asked me to-“

“I know,” Lucifer answers, cutting her off.

“Why won’t you just go back, Lu?” she pleads. “Dad couldn’t have wanted this for you. Amenadiel told me she was made…for you.”

“He _doesn’t know that_ ,” Lucifer snaps.

“Maybe not, but this can’t be what Dad wanted. I don’t believe it.”

Lucifer laughs acerbically. “Really? Because I think this is  _exactly_ what Dad wanted.”

Azrael’s face is crestfallen, and she pulls away, recognizing the signs of regression.

“This place is killing you, Lu. It’s killing your spirit. Please, reconsider. I can’t lose you again.”

He turns around, letting the anger out from its cage. His eyes burn red as he approaches Azrael with rage, and the bat wings come out. Lucifer barely gives them a glance, too furious to care.

Azrael looks at them with horror.

“ _Lose me_?” he chuckles, “You were so afraid of angering _Dad_ that you stayed away! Oh yes, and sent Ella on a direct collision course with the Devil. We all know how _that_ worked out, don’t we?”

But Azrael is too mesmerized to process his words.

“Your _wings_ , Lu! You had the most _beautiful_ wings of us all! What _happened_?”

“I punished a human trafficker, broke his back,” he says, unsure why he’s telling her this, “and I _enjoyed_ it.”

She tries to place her hand on his arm but he moves backward, the menacing black wings hovering protectively.

“ _I’ll_ do it-“ she interjects desperately. “Lu, I’ll rule Hell, I’ll give you a break. Just visit Chloe. Please.”

Azrael is desperate to get him out of Hell, back to a better influence, but her offer backfires.

“How _dare_ you!” he roars. “To even dangle that in front of me, full well knowing you could _never_ abandon your post.”

“Lu, please listen to reason, _please_ . Look at yourself. Just _look_.”

“Yes, your brother the _monster_ . I know now why you stayed away, Azrael. You weren’t afraid of _Dad_ , you never were. You were afraid of _me_.”

“That’s just ridiculous!” she exclaims.

“Then why are you shaking?” he asks.

“Lu, this _isn’t_ you!” she pleads again.

“Get out, Azrael,” he says quietly, sharply, “and don’t grace me with your presence again.”

She lets out a sad breath, but knowing there is nothing else she can say, Azrael reluctantly leaves. They both know she has to come back, to escort the souls, but she doesn’t mention that, she leaves him to stew.

And although Lucifer knows he is being unfair, he is too stubborn to care. He lets her go.

* * *

The next month, Lucifer receives a prayer from an unexpected source – Ella.

“Hey Lucifer,” she says.

Her tone is sad.

“So I guess, well, I know that you’re the real deal now. And wow. I mean, who knew, right? I’ve been solving cases with the Devil. One way ticket downstairs, I guess. Hope you’re keeping my cell warm.”

Lucifer frowns at that. He hates that Ella has resigned herself to this awful place just for knowing him, but he’s too glad to hear from her that he doesn’t block her out.

“Kidding aside, we miss you here. I miss you too - you’re like a brother to me, and you’ve always had my back. I know you’re down there because you think you have to be, but I just can’t believe that the big guy really wants you down there forever. There’s got to be a way, you know? Let us help you, Lucifer.”

There was a sigh, and Lucifer was amused that Ella even sighed in her thoughts.

“I know how this works. I know I won’t get an answer. But Lucifer, _come back_ . Chloe needs you. We all do. Come back, _Hermano_.”

A wave of emotion pours through him at the message and try as he might, Lucifer just can’t push it down. He flies to his secure room before any demon can see, and allows the tears to fall freely. Hands ball into fists and the mirror smashes with the force of his frustration. A shard of glass falls near his feet. Lucifer’s own face looks up at him from the floor, and he notices the hardness in his features. He barely recognizes himself.

It prompts him to finally admit what he’s been suspecting all along - that he is _not_ okay, and he is getting worse. His heart has been gradually hardening, and he’s been mimicking the motions of caring. In short, he’d been excellent at lying to himself. Now, hearing Ella’s heartfelt message makes him realize how much he’d buried.

Truth be told, he thinks of Ella like a sister too.

Once he composes himself, Lucifer does something he hasn’t done in a very long time. He prepares to answer the prayer.

* * *

Chloe’s prayer is the next one he hears.

“Hi Lucifer,” she says sadly. “I know nothing I can say will convince you come back, but I just wanted to let you know I’m trying to, you know, live. We’re still running Lux. Maze is singing now – never saw that coming – and I…”

He swallows back the lump in his throat, but continues to listen.

“…don’t laugh...I thought she needed some accompaniment, so I learned the piano. Surprising, I know, but it helps - it’s cathartic. I guess I know now why you love playing so much. I’m nowhere near as good as you, but I’m managing to play the music for Maze’s songs, so baby steps, right? I wish you were here to watch me play, to coach me…I miss your playing…”

“…oh who am I kidding, Lucifer, _I miss you_. Please come home.”

He wonders if maybe, for a day, he might not be missed.

Lucifer stands, spreading his majestic white wings, and springs off the throne to head for Earth. That night, he visits Lux. He watches as the room stops when Chloe starts to play, and Maze starts to sing. He watches them release their shared pain through music, and the small piece of his soul that remains is touched.

“Mr. Morningstar?!” a voice asks from behind him, and he knows his visit is coming to a close.

“Patrick,” he whispers. “Don’t tell anyone I was here.”

And with that he disappears.

* * *

He sees Chloe again in brief spurts over the next month. She’s dreaming, her soul so drawn to his, that she pulls herself to Hell each night.

This time Lucifer does not go to her, he stays on the throne, cold and unmoving. He feels the draw of her soul, and it is the hardest thing he can do to resist, but he does. The look on her face as she materializes is heartbreaking, but he knows that continuing to see her will only encourage her to keep coming back.

Time passes and eventually the day comes. Fifteen years he has been in Hell, but he knows this will count as one Earth year. The anniversary of the day he left.

Oboros reports back to him, saying that there is a very odd energy coming from his old penthouse. He describes the symbols on the floor and the words, and Lucifer knows that Chloe is attempting another spell.

Chloe’s thoughts suddenly project into his head. The crying, the images of reaching for his whisky are bad enough, but it's her desperate words that make him die a little inside.

“ _I just miss you_.”

After months of shunning Chloe, hoping it would encourage her to move on, Lucifer realizes it’s only encouraged her to bottle up her feelings more. This breakdown is the culmination of all her frustration, and Lucifer’s had a grand hand in it.

He doesn’t sneak to Earth this time, he doesn’t care if the demons know, and when he gets to his penthouse he realizes what the odd energy was – Chloe had been trying to send him a care package. He analyzes the box, gazing at the cute little devils on the wrapping, and a tear runs down his face.

Lucifer drinks in the sight of Chloe. She’s still crying, not aware of his presence, and for a moment he’s conflicted. Every part of him wants to say ‘sod it’ and just _stay_ , but he _can’t_.

He silently takes one of the stray wrapping papers laying around and the pen on the floor and quickly writes “I miss you too”, before replacing the package with the note.

The sound reverberates, and he knows he could mute it, but part of him desperately _wants_ Chloe to hear. He opens his mouth to say her name, but his vocal chords refuse to cooperate. Lucifer watches in slow motion as Chloe begins to turn around. He’s nearly convinced himself to stay, to talk to her, but it’s been so long that he panics and disappears before she can perceive his presence. He justifies it to himself as not wanting to upset her, but deep down he knows he is a coward.

Lucifer sits and looks at the package in his room in Hell for a good hour before pulling off the crimson red ribbon (with horns glued to it – very funny) and carefully unwrapping the paper. Inside he finds his best Prada suit, his favourite snacks and whiskey, and a packet of the brand of cigarettes he used to smoke on Earth.

He knows that Hell will make the whisky taste like ash, the cigarettes like clay, and the snacks like dirt, but he’s so touched by the thought that he has to fight back tears. No one has ever thought of him like this before, and Chloe, of course Chloe would. The bittersweet feelings turn into sardonic laughter as he wonders why he didn’t try harder to return to her. The Devil was torturing himself, oh the irony.

The Prada suit feels as luxurious as ever, and he places it carefully on the bed before peeling off his old suit – the one he’s been wearing since he left fifteen Hell years ago – and incinerating it. The shower is glorious, even if he has to create the water from dust particles in the air, and he towels off before stepping into the suit, savouring the feel on his skin. He knows the suit will be destroyed soon enough, but he revels in it while he can. Lucifer opens the whisky, drinking directly from the bottle, savouring the taste before it goes off.

As per her usual M.O. Maze interrupts his basking.

 _You’ve done it now Lucifer. I respected your request before but this is enough._ _You’ve come here, you’ve stood in the same room, and you haven’t even spoken to Chloe_.

_Mazikeen, what are you intending to do?_

He receives no answer, so he sends the command with extra will.

_You’ll find out soon, Lucifer, don’t worry._

The feeling in the pit of his gut tells him he already knows the answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   * I don’t really think Lucifer is as big an arse as Edward Cullen, it was meant with a little humour in a rather heavy chapter.
>   * This isn’t going to cross over with Good Omens. I really liked the idea of the Fallen and the Field Agents, so I borrowed them from Good Omens to massage into the Lucifer universe. As for Crowley, I actually had both Supernatural’s Crowley and Good Omens’ Crowley in mind when I wrote the character.
>   * I felt Lucifer needed a power upgrade so I cherry-picked a few of his powers from the comics. The headcanon I’m running with is that he didn’t really need the greater powers while on Earth, so he never bothered to use them.
> 



End file.
